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Twelve Years On

The Cliffs of Insanity turns 12 tomorrow. In pre-college years, it would be graduating high school.

I began this journal 2 years before Smidgen came into my life. I began this journal 9 years before losing Aunt Tudi. I began this journal 11 years before abandoning everything I had ever truly ever known, and moved west with the Mother Unit, what little hope I thought I had left, nestled away in a tiny pocket I keep buried in my brain.

Over the course of these twelve years, I have experienced love and shock and passion and success. I've seen dreams come true and hopes shattered. I have forged my own philosophies, and I have returned to my long-term position of agnosticism. I have met some miraculous souls and bonded friendships whilst, at the same time, losing friends I never thought I'd say goodbye to. I've lost the most important person in my life, which threw me into an admission to myself I still can't write about. Some have already guessed, but I have never, nor will I ever, acknowledge it. Unspoken love is unspoken for a reason.

I have tried to commit suicide more than once. As this post clearly indicates, I'm rather deficient in that talent. Do I still think about it? Every day. The thought of it comforts me in a way nothing else can.

It has been my friends, more than anything, that have kept me alive. Most often, I thank them for this, but I wouldn't be honest if I didn't say I resent their meddling. I'm not a brave person, nor am I a hard worker, or anything special enough to really be missed in this world. I most often feel like a burden to my family and many of my friends. My logic is, the world would be better off without me. Then again, the world would be better off without humanity, period. I'm just offering to volunteer as one of the first to go.

Still, I persist, as does The Cliffs of Insanity. If you've been with me for the majority of this decade, you know the blog's name lives up to its legacy. I would hope that Wallace Shawn would be proud.

I don't know what the next 12 years will bring, if they bring anything else. I hesitate to predict, because I would never have predicted some of the things that happened in the first 12 years of the 21st Century. I'll leave that mumbo-jumbo up to Miss Cleo. Just know that, in my own anti-social and vicious way, I love all of you, and I hope you love me too, if only for a brief moment in this infinity of uncertainty we call existence.
  • Current Location: San Diego
  • Current Mood: apathetic apathetic
  • Current Music: The Oh of Pleasure - Ray Lynch
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I'm glad you're still around. Sure, the world would be better without humanity in general, but in specific my world is better for your presence in it. You've made me smile or laugh untold times since we stumbled across each other with your misanthropic rants, stories and animals, and alpacalips. I would miss you if you left us.
Love
Your friendship has always been paramount to me. You know this. I would cross the pond, swim it if I had no other way to get to you; do anything and everything in my power to help in any way I could.
I have learned so much from you about myself.

I want to say thank you.

Love you Sister,
Me

P.S. and just so you know; now all day I will be saying the freaking line in "the princess bride"; wub, wub....via billy crystal...oy vey.



Edited at 2014-06-03 12:42 pm (UTC)
Re: Love
Love you, too, chiclet. Dunno what I did for you, but I'm glad you think I did something. :D

Remember Billy Crystal's interpretation of Cary Elwes' attempt to say "true love"? "To Blaaaaaave." I just cackled.
My world is richer for having made your (online) acquaintance, for sure. I stumbled upon your cliffs in 2008 and am so glad that I did. Your openness and your ability to share the heights and depths of your life experiences with others is truly something rare and beautiful. You are not afraid to be vulnerable which is something I have always admired about you. You are one of the bravest people I know. May the Cliffs enjoy another 12 years of wonder and joy and most likely, some disappointments as well. Because it's life - the good and the bad. You can do it because you have an escape that a lot of others do not have. You have imagination and the power to transform your world, even if for a little while, in your writing, in music, in art. Embrace that. It's worth it. You're worth it.
Thank you so much, sister. The admiration is absolutely mutual. I hope to spend the time I have left in this life with the people I love. You're one of them.