Asthma Hound Chihuahua

Computer Woes

I'm typing on Janice's computer. I begged her to let me borrow it, and she did, but will need it back on Wednesday.

Why did I need a computer? Because the new one I got promptly locked up on me and had to be shipped to Hewlett Packered to be repaired. I was using my old computer, which had been acting wonky for some time (I dislike Dell products, I really do), but it gave me the Blue Screen of Death last night. Nothing I did could rectify the problem.

With the car issue and, now the computer issue, I've really just about had it. Dunno why, but the Mighties seem hellbent on destroying my sanity and my will to live. I'm tired of seeing Aunt Tudi fade away every time I close my eyes. I'm tired of finding out I may have about $30 for food a month, since I'm finally eating a bit more since 2011. Guess that grief and stress diet I was on is ready to be reinstated now. I'm tired of begging for rides and made to feel guilty because I have to go somewhere. I'm tired of the dogs making a mess every single day and I'm tired of cleaning it up or not cleaning it up.

I'm fucking tired. I've come to the conclusion that I'm nothing but a serious fuck-up, a burden to the folks around me, and a source of depression to my friends here. No one needs me. Probably, no one wants me. I wouldn't want me either, if I were anyone around me.

I go to my therapist and psychiatrist on the 27th, so I need to hone my acting because there's no way I'm going back to that place because I'm suicidal. Those people did not help me. It was all an act then, and it's gonna be an act now. Screw it.
  • Current Location: home, as usual
  • Current Mood: depressed depressed
  • Current Music: tv noise

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