Bellatrix

Thankfulness

Don't complain about what you've been given, and always be thankful for what you have.  Words of wisdom, my friends.

Also, in relation to that austere advice, behave around others in the manner you are treated, even when you're treated like fat trash from a [beyond] broken home (that was still a thing in the 70's), living in other people's homes and, later, in the projects.

Before my health collapsed, I had forgotten the harshness of those lessons, although I never stopped being grateful.  Thanks to almost 20 years of making a pretty decent wage for someone in South Carolina, I was independent, taking care of others, and it was a pretty fucking brilliant feeling.  I needed no one to do anything for me.  Autonomy was a lovely thing, but it can be devastating when you lose it - lose everything.

I am still very thankful for everything I have, and I will always do everything I can for whomever I can - there are some exceptions.  But growing up being systemically reminded that I was never going to be good enough, financially comfortable enough, socially acceptable enough, or worthy enough kind of sticks with you.  All those little reminders, lessons, begrudgements, and exclusions seems to have piled up.

Only, this time, instead of casting my eyes down and just dealing with whatever comes my way, I'm starting to more fully appreciate Patrick Bateman.  He looks awfully elated to have that axe.  I want to experience that kind of thankfulness.  I'd carve the turkey every goddamned year.

  • Current Location: the house
  • Current Mood: seething
  • Current Music: Tal Bachman - She's so High
Oh, man, do I feel this entry to the core of my soul.

<3 <3 Sithster.
Are you quoting my life? that sounds like my bad case of parental dysfunction, too.

{{{HUGS}}}
I would love to wield that axe on a few of those who kept acting like I "could have it worse". As I said before, my enemies better hope I never get a disease which will end in my death; I will spend the remaining time I have hunting them down in full sadistic glee.