It would seem that 2016 is sucking rhino balls when it comes to decent people dying, and leaving pieces of shit to horrify us more with every passing day.
And so we have arrived at the threshold of yet another year, four cycles after the long hoped for Alpaca Lips. In some ways, it has been an eventful year and, in others, things have barely changed. I figured I'd touch on the highlights of 2015, then throw some hopes (gasp, hope? Tin? NOOOOOO!) out for 2016. So, let's begin.
The first major thing that happened in 2015 came in February, when I was allowed unprecedented liberties to continue and expand my campaign to disseminate All Things Shriekback. I was elated, for I had watched for too long their greatness be swallowed up by the ever-expanding Internet, without the proper tools in my box of toys to make enough digital noise to be noticed. That changed prior to the release of one of their best albums to date, Without Real String or Fish. To my immense joy, this was only one of many releases by the band that I got to relentlessly plug throughout the year. It's been an honour to do what I could for the guys, and I will continue to do what I do until they tell me to stop!
In April, another wonderful thing occurred: I got to go up to Los Angeles to attend Jeff Lynne's Hollywood Walk of Fame star ceremony. Even though I didn't get to meet him - again! - I was still thrilled to be in the general vicinity of my spiritual and musical godfather, and listen to him talk a little about his career and how honoured he felt to be getting the praise and attention that has long been due the man. He's a genius, and I am overjoyed that people are finally catching on to this fact. It also heartens me that so many Millennials, particularly in the music world, are embracing Mr. Lynne and his music. That means that his legacy will live on through the generations, as long as humanity plagues this world. It almost makes me glad we're all still around. Anyway, also in attendance to the star ceremony, making speeches of their own about how groovy Jeff Lynne is, were Tom Petty and Joe Walsh. I caught this epic photo before the brouhaha began.
And it got even better later in the year, in November, when Jeff Lynne released Alone in the Universe, the first official ELO album since the release of Zoom in 2001. I'm currently listening to it for the first time but, hey! better late than never, right? 2015 was the year both Shriekback and the Electric Light Orchestra gave the world new music. If for no other reason, this year should be marked as a complete success because of this.
Shortly before I moved out to San Diego, my TV died. For a while, I was pretty miserable, until I got used to watching streaming formats online, like Netflix. It cut down on my viewing habits considerably, and I found myself focusing on just the movies and shows I personally found important and worthy enough to spend my time watching. Beginning in late 2014, though, my number one go-to place for instant entertainment gratification became You Tube. I discovered Alonzo Lerone, Garret John, and a host of other talents, visionaries, and creatives. In June of 2015, though, I stumbled upon a short film that completely blew my mind. It's what made me realise how grateful I am to no longer have a television. I probably would have never discovered such brilliance had I still been enslaved to the mediocrity that spews out of the boob tube.
When I first saw The Horribly Slow Murderer with the Extremely Inefficient Weapon, I had a reaction eerily similar to what I had upon seeing The Joker Blogs' Therapy Begins. I couldn't get enough! Impressed didn't even begin to cover it. The more I watched it and the related films on Richard Gale's You Tube channel, the more I laughed. As anyone who has known me since losing Aunt Tudi in 2011 knows, laughter is something I treasure above all other things. I credit anything that could cut through the grief and trigger laughter as holding a seed of the miraculous within its heart. The Impractical Jokers were the first to make what I thought was impossible happen. The Horrible Slow Murderer carried on that life-saving tradition.
I was so impressed with the undeniable talent in this short film and others on the channel, like the wholly unfunny and horrifying Criticized, I was compelled to learn more about the film maker and his posse. Employing the web search skills I learned in the Pit oh so very long ago, it didn't take me long to learn a good bit about the director and actors Paul Clemens and Brian Rohan.
Well, one thing led to another, and I ended up helping them with their Kickstarter campaign, after having the pleasure of discussing a few promo ideas with Richard one Sunday a few months ago. During this time, I've come to see that not only are these guys uber-talented, but they are also genuine, groovy, insightful, kind individuals. How could anyone not want to help people like this in any way they can?
While all this was happening, I was going to the doctor about my back pain, which seemed to be getting worse despite all attempts to reverse the issues causing it. The doc finally suggested that I look into getting an panniculectomy. Now, in South Carolina, no insurance, private or public, would cover anything considered cosmetic. When I got the gastric bypass surgery, I went into it with no pipe dreams of getting any excess skin removed. It was never an option, so I never entertained the idea.
When the doctor brought up the panniculectomy, I silently scoffed, but decided "what the hell? It doesn't hurt to ask." So, a couple of days later, I called Aetna and asked them if such a surgery were covered. They informed me that, if it were considered medically necessary, they would cover it, and all I would have to pay would be $264.00. I called the doctor, who referred me to Dr. Jason Hess. He took pictures, informed me that he'd gotten approval for surgeries with less severe pannus issues, and said he'd be asking approval for not just a panniculectomy, but also an abdominoplasty which, combined, are basically the human equivalent to being cleaned like a fish.
In two weeks time, Aetna gave the go ahead, and I had a tummy tuck and panniculectomy in September. I'm still recovering from it, but my back does feel better after no longer having to deal with 17 pounds of dead weight constantly pulling on my lower lumbar region. Also, for the first time in my life, I actually have a figure. I'm still not used to the new body. It's like living in an alien biological construct.
So, 2015 saw me become a bit of a California stereotype in that I got plastic surgery and began "hobnobbing" with Hollywood directors and actors. Folks, don't expect that, if you're thinking of planning on moving to California. Bear in mind that I live in the Twilight Zone and have no idea how shit like this happens to me.
One more cool thing that happened this year actually happened this month. After over a year of struggling with it, I finally had a breakthrough in my arduous Wacom education. I still have a very long way to go before I consider anything I do with the tablet worthy of pride, but at least I'm finally seeing results from what I have so far learned. This is the result - the best representation of how I see Cadmus Pariah in my mind's eye. I plan on making this a full body picture, not just a floating head of death, but I thought I should make note that my obvious learning disability when it comes to digital art has at long last had a wee chink taken out of its seemingly impenetrable wall.
There have been some unhappy things to happen this year - conflicts with Matt, friends falling prey to illness, seriously fucked up news on the family front, among other things - but I am choosing not to focus on that in this year-end post. There is nothing I could write here that would change any of these things, and I frankly don't want to give the bad areas of 2015 any more power than they already have. I would prefer to give energy to more positive outcomes in those categories in the coming year.
That being said, here are some things I'm hoping to see happen and/or make happen in 2016.
- Friends and family beat the odds and kick all manner of ass with some insane Health Fu.
- The Presidential election does not turn out to be a disaster of mega-Fascist proportions.
- People collectively reject the status quo and embrace a higher vibrational state of being.
- There is full disclosure on extraterrestrial life and activities, as well as extra-dimensional life and activities.
- Jeff Lynne plays a concert in San Diego and I get to attend.
- I can eventually feel as comfortable riding the buses in San Diego as I was riding the ones in Los Angeles. LA makes a lot more sense as far as layout is concerned. Or maybe that's just me.
- Yoga becomes a part of my everyday life.
- Barry Andrews has more delightful written and musical works of art in store for the world.
- I complete my latest book and maybe even publish it.
- The filming of Ginosaji goes smoothly and is a low-stress joy for all involved.
- I get to go to the desert to gaze at the Milky Way at least once in 2016.
- I and those I love are surrounded by non-toxic individuals and that we can continue to expand the influence of beauty, creativity, common sense, and divine madness.
- The Alpaca Lips finally happens.
Here's hoping everyone has a fantastic new year. May it be visionary in every way.
- Thu, 19:39: Shriekback - Gated Joy: https://t.co/e4PoVbqRj8 via @YouTube
- Thu, 19:57: Gated Joy [to the World] https://t.co/kGxDDvbwaV #Shriekback #TBT #xmas #80s #80sbands #80smusic #NewWave #RETWEET #bsides
- Thu, 23:27: RT @TakTsouk: Μου άρεσε ένα βίντεο @YouTube από @vampire_relics https://t.co/3MWjplkLnk Barry Andrews - Faded Flowers
- Fri, 17:34: RT @metropolis_priv: #Shriekback #MichaelMann #Beautiful :: https://t.co/DuvPIsHS1p
- Mon, 17:33: Tim Roth Tutorial, Lesson #166: https://t.co/NMpGsmIcR7 via @YouTube
- Mon, 18:31: TRT166: https://t.co/3ctTCfAO6x via @YouTube
- Mon, 18:36: Tim Roth Tutorial, Lesson #166: https://t.co/8TFG9NmVy6 via @YouTube
- Mon, 18:42: Tim Roth Tutorial #166 https://t.co/wdW4fjmKf6 @Poppypops28 @Mrs_Orange57 @bellewitch66 #timroth #TRT #HatefulEight #Hateful8
- Mon, 16:52: If we are truly fighting a War on Terror, we need to turn our attention to our own back yard as well. #ReligiousRight #Hypocrisy #extremism
- Mon, 19:32: @shriekbackmusic Thx for the thumbs up! New #Solo Album @ https://t.co/4qpnQhf3Ih #Shriekback #BarryAndrews #Piano https://t.co/dMFObyp1TA
- Sun, 21:20: Killer mask! https://t.co/0kGytmYFu6 #collectible #Ginosaji #Kickstarter #FearTheSpoon #Horror #IndieFilm #RETWEET https://t.co/yh9Y7tbv7F
- Sun, 22:57: RT @SPOON_ATTACK: https://t.co/W593OQSEL2 Pls #RETWEET! #Kickstarter #FX #Ginosaji #FearTheSpoon #Indiefilm #horror #movies #comedy https:/…
So here am I, spooning tiny bites of Stove Top Stuffing into my piehole, and trying to watch Boogie Nights for the umpteenth time around Smidgen’s wide, hairy butt. Another Thanksgiving winding down.
After Halloween, Thanksgiving was always my favourite. It seemed less stressful than Christmas. I still feel that way, even though I really don’t do anything, and haven’t since 2011. But I do want to send some shoutouts of gratitude into the aether, so here goes.
- I’m thankful for my friends. You all know who you are, both old and new Tribespeople. Those of you who have been with me for a while have stuck by me when even some family chose not to. You’ve been with me longer than anyone else in my life now. And my new friends, though thin on the ground, have opened up new avenues to experience, exhibited goodness and decency that threaten to prove my theories about our species dead wrong. All of you: Despite my dedicated misanthropy, you still love me just as I am, and I am happy to reciprocate. When we are facing the Alpaca Lips, I hope we get to do it together.
- I’m thankful for the Earth. It has been quite a year, as far as space exploration has gone, but I find it incredible that we still have so much about our home planet that needs to be discovered, explored, and possibly explained. With every dim twinkle of light far beyond our comprehension of just how really fucking large the multiverse is, there is an equal twinkle far beneath the churning seas, something we’ve never been able to see, something even the angler fish, who can twinkle themselves, would be afraid to examine too extensively.The Earth is where we open our eyes each day. Instead of casting those eyes to your feet as you go through the motions that are expected of you, cast them outward. Not upward, but around you. Everything that you are is star stuff, yes, but that stuff chose to touch down on a world that both nurtures and destroys us. We owe it to ourselves, to one another, and to our home planet to try to find out why, before it’s too late. Even if it’s all a hologram and we are not truly physical entities on the surface of a planet, it’s all we currently have, and it is a wondrous construct, so full of mystery and music. I’m glad to have been able to see what I have of this world.
- I am thankful for the music. It has been a truly resplendent year in music for me. I got to see Jeff Lynne get his star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, and watch him perform live (on TV) for the first time in over a decade. I’m foaming at the mouth to get my ears on the new ELO album. Then there’s Shriekback, who has dominated my musical choices for yet another year, giving fans both old and new, the triumph that is Without Real String or Fish, not to mention all the rarities, reissues, and side-project material. I have long contended that, as long as the Shrieks make music, I will be “doomed” to write, and my friends will be doomed to read, or say they did! Even earlier today, I was constructing a possible chapter in the WIP, based on a Shriek rarity, ‘Shake the Big Tree’.
- I am thankful for laughter. As all my older friends know, I’ve been a bit of a laughter junkie since 2011. Laughter is the human purr. It’s present when we’re happy, and it can heal when we’re sad. Being a devout believer in Jessica Rabbit Syndrome, I would have to say that laughter is the most important thing in this reality, especially when you are more than underwhelmed about trudging forth, but trudge nonetheless because you have responsibilities. If something makes me laugh, its therapeutic qualities are far from lost on me. So, to all the things and people that have gotten me through 2015 by making me laugh like a demented Vizzini, I am quite grateful for it all.
And there you have it. Short and simple. I tried to be as upbeat and uncomplicated as possible. I gotta go outside for a few minutes, ‘cos it’s raining, and that shit’s rare here. Happy T-Day, freaks. May the Dark Side of the Force Be with you.
- Tue, 17:14: Please #RETWEET! #Shriekback #piano #solo #BarryAndrews #newmusic #Keyboard #pianocovers #music #musicians #haunted https://t.co/0VEQfam6oE
- Tue, 23:15: @jeffreycombs @Shriekfest @kickstarter @YouTube #Ginosaji #Kickstarter #RETWEET #Spoonkiller #IndieFilm #Horror https://t.co/DamI69fREI
- Wed, 00:34: RT @WladMarhulets: Consider supporting our kickstarter for the upcoming #Ginosaji feature by Emmy winning director @richardgalefilm https:/…
- Thu, 23:05: WOOHOO! Please #RETWEET! #Movies #Film #indiefilm #HorrorComody #FearTheSpoon #Ginosaji #crowdgoals #Kickstarter https://t.co/uNXXrCeywY
- Thu, 23:15: @MilenaRodban’s tweet here https://t.co/ytBMLNHQKg inspired me to make a crap #photoshop pic. #ISIS #ITCrowd #70sTV https://t.co/Lqsd0I8yCK
- Tue, 19:11: Please #RETWEET #SupportIndieFilm #Horror #Comedyfilm #Kickstarter @TruthDrivenLife @LLesleyThomas @realjoshroberts https://t.co/O8TFHBOKCO
- Tue, 19:48: "Being carefully correctly wrong.” #Shriekback #Nemesis #2000AD #BarryAndrews #MartynBarker #CarlMarsh #DaveAllen https://t.co/AXct6I4v2i
- Sat, 16:58: HOLD YOUR BREATH WHILST READING THIS. I have Dengue, or something like it. SAVE yourselves! I love you all.
- Tue, 14:28: RT @SPOON_ATTACK: @richardgalefilm @JeffreyCombs666 Great #Ginosaji news! #Kickstarter #HorriblySlowMurderer #FearTheSpoon #IndieFilm https…
- Tue, 20:19: RT @SPOON_ATTACK: @richardgalefilm @pdclemens @jeffreycombs #Ginosaji relaunch event on #Facebook https://t.co/0n2p4dlejB #indiefilm #horro…
- Mon, 17:16: I love #Anonymous. https://t.co/qDDExP6RM5 via @YouTube #KKK #hategroups #fifthofnovember #ExpectUS
- Mon, 21:53: RT @SPOON_ATTACK: Jack tried to hide in #Peru. Didn't work. Support #Ginosaji! https://t.co/nGyD538mYc #FearTheSpoon @richardgalefilm https…
- Tue, 11:43: More from #Shriekback! #demos #unreleased #NewWave #80s #90s #BarryAndrews #CarlMarsh #DaveAllen #MartynBarker https://t.co/oQLBpoOoqu
- Fri, 00:11: Father Fyodor Doesn't Want to Live: https://t.co/axy4mhtPxZ via @YouTube
- Fri, 02:17: That time of year again! #Nemesis #Shriekback #OilandGold #DaveAllen #MartynBarker #BarryAndrews #CarlMarsh #80s https://t.co/UsM83LH5Lh
- Fri, 02:18: RT @SPOON_ATTACK: Is @eddieizzard a #Ginosaji? https://t.co/nGyD538mYc #FearTheSpoon @richardgalefilm @theawesomer @RankKickstarter https:/…
- Mon, 15:18: Could you vanquish Dracula with a hot cross garlic bun on the end of a wooden chopstick? #Dracula #Vampires #questiontime
- Mon, 21:44: #FearTheSpoon #Ginosaji #Kickstarter #Spoonstarter #SpoonArmy #Spoonkiller #IndieFilm #HorrorMovies #Comedy #RETWEET https://t.co/EZTgjdlHHX
- Mon, 23:40: Tim Roth Tutorial, Lesson #165: https://t.co/YZYXOBBVpS via @YouTube
- Tue, 02:08: A new #TimRoth Tutorial (165) is up! https://t.co/TvIfFCPZFG @Poppypops28 @Mrs_Orange57 @bellewitch66 @Miintikwa @TimRoth2HostSNL #TRT
- Sat, 15:57: Check out @nerdyls' #podcast w/@richardgalefilm: https://t.co/iCAEjDtbdo Join #SpoonArmy! https://t.co/5Q1rcWl4CT #FearTheSpoon #Ginosaji
- Sat, 20:16: @TruthDrivenLife #HorriblySlowMurderer #Pedicure #Kickstarter #YouTube #Spoons #Crowdfunding #FearTheSpoon #RETWEET https://t.co/O5mVJTFOZx
- Tue, 13:51: Please help my friend, if you can. And please share. Remember, it can happen to anyone, anytime. And it sucks. https://t.co/IBDkzcpPIr
- Tue, 15:16: RT @SPOON_ATTACK: @FANGORIA https://t.co/nGyD538mYc please help spread the word. #Ginosaji #movie on #Kickstarter! Orig: https://t.co/jHmCw…
- Tue, 15:17: RT @SPOON_ATTACK: @TrailerAddict The most epic trailer ever made (https://t.co/jHmCw1c9Ym) to become a feature film (https://t.co/nGyD538mY…
- Tue, 15:18: RT @SPOON_ATTACK: #Ginosaji #Vacation @ #GrandCanyon Want to see more? Be part of #SpoonArmy! https://t.co/nGyD538mYc #FearTheSpoon https:/…
- Tue, 20:40: updatia. https://t.co/kWlKriaMrC
Even if you can't donate, please at least share this with everyone on LJ, as well as Facebook and Twitter, and any other social media you use. Don't let shitty insurance dictate the fate of one of the few good souls on this planet.
Originally posted by batchfile at updatia.
- Sat, 16:35: RT @SPOON_ATTACK: http://t.co/nGyD538mYc @thehorror @HorrorWeb @richardgalefilm @jeffreycombs #horror #film #comedy #FearTheSpoon http://t.…
- Sat, 22:30: RT @SPOON_ATTACK: http://t.co/nGyD538mYc #FearTheSpoon #news #spoons #Ginosaji #indy #horror #comedy #murder #proverb #Kickstarter http://t…
- Sat, 09:51: I see the mystery URL got settled. Sorry that happened.
- Thu, 21:49: There Is No Spork, so Let there Be SPOOOOOOooooooon! ---o http://t.co/o460cwwZiQ
- Thu, 22:12: Help fund the #Ginosaji movie! #RETWEEET @TruthDrivenLife @Dex_SliceofLife @raven1967 @RhaposdyPhoenix @kickstarter http://t.co/o460cwfori
- Fri, 09:56: That sucks. Was it just a temp position? Do you need for the Unit and me to come get the lamp and table?
If you've been a longtime Tribe-member here on the Journal of Live, you are well-aware of how I sometimes get a little enthusiastic about the oddest things. Like Darth Maul, Tim Roth, Shriekback(can I get a whoop-whoop here?), and the Joker in both his Dark Knight incarnation and, in particular, Scott McClure's interpretation of him in The Joker Blogs. I'm not satisfied to just hop on a generic bandwagon and be a regular fan of things and people, no no! I have to leap onto Radio Flyer-level wagons, dragging as many people as possible with me, until it becomes a Wagon Train-level event that would make Zane Grey get misty-eyed. I love a lot of things, but there are those tiny few that become more than just the object of an OCD fan's love. They become a cause, to which I dedicate time, money, evangelism, sanity, and people's patience with my hooliganism. Why do I do this? I have no idea. I don't know what the trigger is that makes something or someone I love and enjoy transform into something I need in my life, and must insert into the lives of others, its importance so monumental that some folks will humour me just to be left in peace for a little while. For now, though, let's not fret about the motivation behind my causes, and focus on one of two causes that are currently overworking my manipura to the point of spontaneous human combustion. I want to talk about one of the few things that has brought a level of joy in my life that I never thought I'd experience again, since 2011. I'm talking about this movie short and the delightful individuals who created it.
Since seeing it for the first time a few months ago, I'm fairly certain I could quote the entire film from memory. The only movies to occupy that unconditional passion are most of Mel Brooks' films and John K's Ren & Stimpy.
Being the daft poster child for OCD, I had to learn everything I could about the people behind this masterpiece. The more I learned, the more I genuinely liked them. They seem like really groovy souls who deeply grok the dark humour so often associated with Generation X. I admit without hesitation that I covet their talent. Who wouldn't? So there were rumours, and rumours within rumours, that Richard Gale was planning on making the actual movie with the actors reprising their roles in the film short. Just a couple of months after I first saw The Horribly Slow Murderer with the Extremely Inefficient Weapon, the rumours were put to rest when the crew launched their Kickstarter. They need $200,000 to make this film a reality, and they even have Jeffrey Combs, a name any self-respecting Horror/Sci-Fi fan should instantly recognise, on board to be in the flick. Serious cred there, yo!
But I'm rambling, so I'll just get down to the "bwass tacks". If you like horror and comedy, please contribute to this worthy Kickstarter. If you are hardcore in your appreciation of Absurdism, please contribute to this worthy Kickstarter. If you need something in your life that will never fail to bring a smile to your face, please contribute to this worthy Kickstarter. If you like to help people who are not only insanely talented, but also equally decent individuals, create something without having to surrender their vision, ethics, or artistic control to others who don't understand the importance of such things, and care only about getting richer, please contribute to this worthy Kickstarter. And last but not least, and directed primarily to my fellow Tribesfolk, many of whom would just wish I'd shut the fuck up already: If you want to be responsible for bringing a little happiness into my life, when you know that the very notion of a smile is hard to imagine since 2011, please contribute to this worthy Kickstarter. Humour is a holistic healer of sprained spirits, so you would be helping my spirit strengthen its reinforcements by contributing in the making of Ginosaji.
Below is Richard Gale's project pitch. Beneath that is an image link to the crew's Kickstarter campaign page, where you can pledge fundage to the cause. Financially, everyone is having a less than stellar time of it, but even a dollar will make a difference here, so please do what you can. They have tons of perks for people who are able to reach deep or were born with a silver spoon in their mouths, so bear that in mind, too. Even if you're too broke to spend the night or pay attention, you can still help. If you have any experience in filmmaking or skills generally associated with the craft, you can contact Richard Gale via the Kickstarter page and see if your talents meet his needs. Also, spread the word! This is a public post and I encourage you to share it with all your homies in the world, and ask that they do the same. The more people know about this, the more likely it will be the filmmakers will reach their goal by 3 November! The only perk I can personally offer you is my promise to try to tone down my tenacity regarding Ginosaji: The Horribly Slow Murderer with the Extremely Inefficient Weapon, so you won't feel too terribly hounded as you have been in the past, with causes like The Joker Blogs and Shriekback. So, let's get this show on the road, shall we?
I really hope y'all enjoy the film short enough to want to get involved in some way. Also, I would like to apologise ahead of time for my incessant cheerleading about this new cause. You've been with me for years and had to put up with virtual pom-pom fuzz all over your computer monitor more than anyone should be forced to tolerate, so it heartens me that you're still around after all this time. And should you get put out with my constant glomping, try to look on the bright side: I could have developed an unhealthy fascination with the Shiri-me instead of the Ginosaji, and who wants to listen to someone go on and on about a Japanese ghost whose name translates into English as "eyeball butt?"
I bet you feel better already, now don't you?
- Mon, 16:44: Headline:“New Clashes at Holy Site.” If we viewed ALL of #Earth as holy, #Grace would replace #war. #MotherEarth http://t.co/kZt6HH1BEq
- Tue, 09:36: He sang his song about constipation with conviction (or experience). “Like a rock, OHHH LIKE A ROCK!” G’mornin’~ https://t.co/6Sx0CTyKh1
- Tue, 10:11: Breakfast keeps us monsters healthy & horrifying. Just ask #Ginosaji and @richardgalefilm http://t.co/5Q1rcW3tej. http://t.co/k0Bexi8gET
- Tue, 11:07: Bribel: Guide book for politicians who take money from religious extremists in exchange for political votes and support. #corrupt #theocracy
- Sun, 12:47: @Dex_SliceofLife Duuuuuude… Blood Spatter Leggings! http://t.co/6cGegAV3jt #Dexter #amazon #blood #leggings
- Sun, 13:29: New music from genius Jeff Lynne! Electric Light Orchestra - When I Was a Boy (Lyric) https://t.co/1EIdONfDgx via @YouTube #ELO #JeffLynne
- Sun, 16:35: Seems like the more Synchronicity plays around with your reality, the less rational you appear to be to others.
- Mon, 09:51: Ok now. Almost had bowel impaction. Colitis is fun!
- Mon, 13:03: Would you trust this dog, with his car salesman tooth? http://t.co/XmfqN2IRRt
- Mon, 15:31: Retweet this again & again & again! Ginosaji - The Horribly Slow Murderer Movie Project is popular on @Kickstarter! http://t.co/JSkW1rJLTR
- Mon, 16:56: Unanimous #StarChild Eclipse Full Super Blood Moon Transition of Self-El... https://t.co/8fMi21s8m0 via @YouTube
- Mon, 23:29: @SisterofMercy72 THE WAYSEER MANIFESTO https://t.co/Xwdoliwx05 via @YouTube This resonated with me, a misanthropist! 100% on board!
- Thu, 22:27: Dear @NicoleArbour Some #comedy advice. You need some @MelBrooks and @farrellybros in your life. #satire #offensive http://t.co/uV0AYQL6cZ
- Thu, 22:29: RT @3amfromkyoto: Today. Listening to 'This Big Hush' - Shriekback. https://t.co/jOiMvfHSEW @shriekbackmusic #selfportrait #selfie #man #po…
- Wed, 17:03: In a world with an ever decreasing attention span, obsessive individuals will move mountains. #OCD #obsessive #shortattentionspan
- Wed, 19:47: US voters need to watch The One Percent before Nov. 2016 https://t.co/ymyZugmWnN via @YouTube #RightWing #ABetterWay #WakeUpAmerica #poverty
- Thu, 00:19: http://t.co/EPx925Fexh 81120/164972_original.jpg http://t.co/gdMhSkJnsb
I am kind of freaking out right now. At the age 5, I was enrolled in 1st grade, at which time I was swiftly and truly schooled by my classmates. I was not normal. Period. I wasn't allowed to dance to music like I'd always done before, without getting called names and being laughed at. My teacher gave me a time out for not being able to recite the Lord's Prayer, and when we were supposed to play games that called for teams, there was team A and team "Shit, she's the only one left." It was apparent, in no uncertan terms, that nothing about me was normal. And since my family moved around a lot, I wasn't normal at any school, so it had to be me, not them. I was given the advice to ignore it and they'd eventually go away, but they didn't. This ended, for the most part, while I was working at BMG, when I finally lost it on some asshole at J Records I was forced to work with. I had one more incident of bullying behaviour just yesterday, and I reacted viciously. To be honest, I can't remember everything that happened there, but I think I just on that thin line that separates verbal confrontation from physical altercation. Thirty-two (non-consecutive) years of bullying boiled up in my body, and I just fucking exploded. But I'm not here to talk about bullying. It seems I've done a lot of that since I've been on the Internet, and finding others like myself. The Island of Misfit Toys is a real place on Teh Intarwebz, located a little further north-west of Dr. Moreau's Island, and separated from Fantasy Island by the Sea of Dreams (yes, we can see y'all from from our winders). Enough of that, though. Let's get down to bidness.
I'm here to talk about feeling paranormally different since waking up on the 14th. The doctor said he removed 17 pounds of excess skin, fat, and other crap that wouldn't have ever otherwise gone away. I'm talking about hearing the nurse softly say in my ear, "breathe deeply", and then I woke up with parts of my body that have always been part of me since I began to gain more weight than other kids my age, at four years. The midsection of my stomach is mostly flat, but the lower part, the part that hangs down to your thighs when you stand, and makes you think that you have no lap whatsoever when you sit down - - well, it is gone. Totally fucking gone. Working on my computer has even changed, because my stomach was my prop, so I could work on my writing, promotions, and blogging while Smidgen curled up on my chest or upper abdomen. Now, I'm having dificulty trying to find a decent computer spot, so I can write this. I feel as though, if I were back east with the friends I have, I would hear them whisper about me not being me, reinacting one of the earlier scenes of Invasion of the Bodysnatchers.
On 14 September whilst waiting to be rolled back to the operating room, I was lying on my back with my elbow and hands touching the mattress, or I had my fingers interlocked on my midsection, and my elbows just dangled at each side. If I wanted to put my arms at my side, then my elbows could touch the mattress, but my fingers wouldn't meet. I couldn't do both and I never could. It was just a fact of life for me, even after the gastric bypass surgery in 2004. Now, my elbows can rest on the bed and my fingers can interlock at the same time. The Mother Unit was amused that my discovery of this amazed me so much. I know that doesn't sound like much, but when you've never been able to do it before, it's kind of a thing. The effect on my lower back was nearly instantaneous. A lot of that pull is gone, which was the main purpose for asking to get the procedures in the first place. Total success, right there. Despite currently feeling as though I have been thrown into the Iron Maiden at an Iron Maiden concert, my back already doesn't hurt as much, and I'm hoping the pain will continue to wane as I heal. I can feel the difference in my knees as well.
Psychologically, the immediate effect has not been as positive as I would have liked, but that's not the doctor's fault. Everything he did was exactly the procedures he signed on to do, and he did them expertise. The thing for me, though, was that I went to sleep in the body I'd had for around 32 years, and I woke up a stranger to myself. I'm not doing as well as perhaps I should in respect to mentally catching up to the physical tranformation. There are differences you would never think of, such as, seeing my own "cho-cha" (thank you, Missy Elliott) for the very first time in my entire life. Only a few hours after the surgery has over, I learned the women's cho-chas were supposed to look like this. It is still quite a surprise, because most laypeople or medical personnel would never think that such a change would be shockingly phantasmagoric. It's as though the doctor pulled everything up. From now on, whenever I see some crazy person in the park talking down her/his pants, I'm going to wonder if they had a panniculectomy and abdominoplasty. Such a shock to the visual senses is bizarre and unsettling. On the other hand, I might be that homeless crazy person taking to her own privates sooner than later.
I was told that the surgery took hours because the doctor wanted to be as thorough as possible while he was working. Based on some of the surgery pictures he'd shown me during our consultation, I have no doubt he was thorough. In fact, I think he did more than was authorised, probably because he knew I might need it down the road. I was already dead to the world, so why not? After a little bit of online research, what little time I've been online, I'm thinking that that extra something was some liposuction, considering I have two balls that catch the bloody water draining out of me, and bruises that just won't quit on my lower stomach, thighs, and cho-cha. Everything is relatively level now. I had fatty bits on my back that are gone now, too. After all this heals I will appear to be, more or less, like someone carrying a few extra pounds, but nothing people would gawk or throw vomit fat jokes in her direction.
My entire dieting life, I was told to chant the mantra "there's a thin person inside me that yearns to get out!" I was conditioned to dislike everything about me that anyone could see, while striving to look like the ones who are always at the front of the line to get their kick in before the day over. I was filled with a hell of a lot of animosity by the time I was approved for gastric bypass surgery, so much so that I had before and after pictures taken in the event someone told me I looked good. My plan was to whip those pictures out and ask them what they thought now! Over a time, especially when Aunt Tudi's health started to decline, I just grew weary of my verbal fight with society, and just gave up on avenging the evil so quantumly ingrained in us all by this mockery of our exsistence.
But, the other day, I was told it was good to see me, a "much thinner" me. I didn't say anything then, because I've been feeling like every hell imagined in every dimension that could currently be calculated by any Physics Academic, and to be perfectly frank, I did not want to be in a tiff, or what have you. Now, I'm a tad concerned that, in my heart, I know I may throat punch anyone who has ever known or seen me prior to the surgeries, but still comes out with that programmed bullshit, especially if they refer to having surgies to assist me lose the weight that was killing me as "taking the easy way out." I am not above going all Jack Torrance with an ax on any motherfucker who crosses that line, and thanks to those oh so very easy surgeries and recoveries that were alllll done for cosmetic reasons and nothing else, I'm lighter, limberer, and enthusiastically motivated to shut you up by ripping your jaw bone off your stupid brainless head and feeding it to Toby. Strangers who do not know me will get you one free pass but, if a stranger proving how much of a douche nozzle they are by judging another within my earshot may very well end up in an intimate relationship with my shoes and elbows. I haven't forgotten all the Kung Fu I was taught, and I'll probably be able to do them better now. You can be my practice.
The flesh a person is in, is not that person, but it can affect them in unimaginable ways. I feel like a stranger in a strange land now. I can't quite grasp the extent of my aura. Toby caught a glimpse of mm the other day, and barked at me as though I were a stranger. I'm wondering how Smidge will handle seeing her new old bed, unimpressed that it no longer has the cushioning she requires. I can get around things a bit easier, but still move like I need to squeeze, and that makes me look like I'm up to no good. I had some of these issues with the first surgery, but the effects came much more slowly, so my adjustments were more easily accepted. This time, not so much. Not even after the gastric bypass did I have a figure. Now that I do, I don't look right.
But just because I'm struggling doesn't mean I've lost one iota of my venom for humanity as a whole. Once built, or stolen, I can just shoot my lethal laser gun at the global urban centers while wearing some dumbass latex cat suit.
FUCK THE WORLD
PS: If you find any spelling or grammatical mistakes in this, chalk it up to unbridled anger combined with full body pain. Thank you.